A Photographic Journey Through a Khmer Wedding in Cambodia:

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Day 2 Cont. – Wednesday Afternoon and Night, February 20, 2013

Sah Paun and Vwin’s Cambodian wedding continues with more ceremonies after a beef stew and rice lunch. To my amazement no alcohol has yet been served at this event.

Bang Chhat Madaiy – Honoring the Parents

“Honor your parents as you do the gods.” This common Khmer sentiment is rooted in a Buddhist parable about not forgetting “kun” – a kind act or deed for which one owes repayment (a debt of gratitude). Without parents, one cannot be brought into the world to honor the gods in the first place. 

Sah Paun and Vwin hold umbrellas over their parents as a gesture symbolizing the protective parental role. This ceremony honors and thanks the couple’s parents by reversing the roles of parent and child. As their parents have taken care of them over the years, now that they’re marrying, it is the couple’s turn to protect and care for their parents.

A traditional song is performed on a two stringed instrument called a Tro, as a singer sings a song telling the bride of the hardships in raising a child. It is a song of parental duty and fulfillment, which the bride and groom will one day experience them selves.

The ceremony has been one of the longer ones lasting over an hour.

Sompeas P’tem – Paring or Knot Tying Ceremony

Phat Cheay Song

The Phat Cheay is a traditional song played inviting Sah Paun into the room. She is led by a distinguished female friend to the Sompeas P’tem – Paring or Knot Tying Ceremony.

The bride and groom kneel and are given a sword to hold in their clasp hands as they are showered with pka sla, the white seeds found in palm tree pods. The sword symbolizes the groom protecting the bride and again, refers again to the marriage of the first Khmer prince, Preah Thong, to the Naga princess, Neang Neak. The legend tells of another suitor arriving to the wedding and the prince having to fight him off with his sword.

Bongvul Pbopul – Passing of Blessings

In this ceremony, currently married couples are asked to gather in a circle around the bride and groom. Three candles are lit and passed clockwise from person to person around the circle 7 times. The flame of the pure bee-wax candles represents anger, which the couple should avoid as it can disrupt their marriage.

The smoke of the flame, however, is sacred enough to protect them from all evils if they are sincerely committed to each other. Thus, each participant passes his or her right hand over the flame sweeping the smoke towards the couple, sending a silent blessing to them. Only married couples are asked to participate, as it is believed that they will pass along the special quality or essence that has preserved their own union.

Bay Khon Chang Dai – Tying the Wrists

Next, Sah Paun and then Vwin’s parents tie red blessing strings around their wrists. Praises and well wishes of happiness, good health, success, prosperity, and long-lasting love are acknowledged and witnessed by the loud sound of the gong and joyful cheer.

Guests now come forth to place gifts of money into the couples clasped hands. This is an opportunity for each guest to personally bestow blessings or well wishes on the couple, and at the same time, get a photo taken of them with the couple.

As you can see the bride and groom did fairly well with their cash take.

The Dinner Banquet

The final event at a Cambodian wedding is the dinner banquet or reception party. This is when the real partying begins! The bride and groom stand ready at the entrance to the wedding tent supported by family, the bridesmaids, and groomsmen welcoming guests.

At bigger weddings like this, there is usually a live band. The band plays Khmer and Korean pop/techno music until around 11:30 pm. There are multiple singers and young Khmer dancing girls dressed provocatively in mini skirts. The girls perform slow synchronized repetitive steps (think slow motion go go girls) while making graceful flowing traditional Khmer dance hand gestures.

Now the beer starts flowing, and the best food yet is served. Multiple courses are brought to each table starting with the appetizer of nuts and small processed meat preparations that I cannot really identify.

Then the famous wedding fish arrives. It is a large steamed catfish like fish with moist flaky white meat. It’s great once you learn how to avoid the small sharp bones.

These small birds, which from their description, sound to me as though they are pigeons, are also served. They are all dark meat that is delicious once you get passed their little heads with the screaming beaks.

It is exciting to have Jill, Jody, Ryan, and Andrew, some of my Peace Corps buddies come. The family is also thrilled to have a table of foreigners which brings them greater status as it is perceived that to know foreigners makes you more important. They all made long bike rides to get to my village just for this wedding, and I am thankful for their effort and bringing an extra level of fun to my night.

The bride and groom make a final costume change, that to me looks the most traditionally western. During breaks in the music, the couple gets on stage, and similar to a western wedding, there are introductions, speeches, and thanks given.

Sah Paun tosses her bridal bouquet making one young lady guest very happy.

Typically dancing at a Khmer wedding is a group of people, often mostly the drunk men, moving slowly, clock wise around a table with an arrangement of flowers or fruit on it. No one touches one another. It is a sort of traditional style of movement with small footwork and graceful gyrating shoulder, arm, and hand movements, that are in total disregard and disconnect to the deafening beat of the thumping techno music. The influence of those few Americans in attendance seems to have somehow altered the norm.

This is also the first Cambodian wedding I have been to that I have seen the bride and groom dance touching in the western style. Honestly though, they looked a little like uncomfortable middle schoolers doing their first “slow dance”.

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nnGuests of the wedding banquet are expected to give money to the wedding couple. An envelope is usually included in the official invitation and a table is set up near the tent entrance for collecting. Attendants mark the amount a person gives into a registry and it is often announced over the PA who gave how much. A typical gift is $10, a sizable amount for rural Cambodia. When you make less than $100 per month, attending a lot of weddings in a given month can actually be quite financially straining to a family. The money collected is typically used to help off set the expense of the wedding.

At 11:30 the band stopped playing and started packing up. So did the cooks, and the tables and tent started coming down. Most of the guests left, and a great wedding ended.